"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to decide one thought over another." ~ William James
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your world was going to end? When the stress was overwhelming and you were so miserable, did you just want to wallow in it and growl the world under the covers?
Or you are worried about things that could happen in the future. Do you see a small accident on the road and imagine that your partner or child died in a car accident?
Is your imagination creeping in horror at how you could survive such a terrible event?
Or maybe your cousin has had a stroke and you're wondering if he's in the family and if you're next.
Are you wondering how you would handle it if that were the real situation? Do you think you have the resources and strategies you need to get yourself through the crisis?
My coping mechanisms have recently been rigorously tested. Here is my story and what I learned about gratitude and coping with stress.
Waking up working with only half of my face
I woke up three weeks ago and found that I was suffering from a half-face paralysis. My right eye blinked or didn't close. My mouth could hardly open on the affected side. And when I tried to smile, I just managed a very crooked grin – the right side just didn't move.
The pain was bad and shot into my head like an electric shock that landed in the middle of my brain.
I woke up my husband. The ambulance came and I was taken to A&E or emergency room or, in my case, the Sala da Emergencia in Portugal.
I thought I had a stroke. I lay on the car feeling sorry for myself and wondering what life I could have at the end of the day.
How learning to deal with stress is like learning to fish when you are hungry
Some people seem to cope effortlessly with everything life throws at them – maybe it's genetics, maybe it's education. But most of us are fighting. We have to work hard to find peace in a storm of chaos.
Sometimes it feels too overwhelming and we sink into despair, fear, depression. We turn to crutches, such as eating comfort foods, sleeping pills or alcohol.
But a crutch is a temporary solution to save you. Long-term crutches can make you forget to walk. We have to embody skills that will work for the rest of our lives.
It's like teaching a man how to fish. Show him how to use a fishing rod and he has a way to get food for the rest of his life. The same applies to dealing with stress. We need skills, strategies and tools that we can use on a daily basis so that we are ready and resilient when the strikes strike.
So where can we find the skills and fishing rods that help us deal with overwhelming stress?
Learn to use 5 fishing rods that keep you away from stress
Here are the basic skills that I used when I was waiting to hear the medical judgment in the hospital.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not an expert on any of these skills. But those are the ones who worked for me. There are others. But maybe you wouldn't have seen these basic things as skills or tools that actually serve to deal with life-threatening events.
1. Breathing is the simplest tool.
Yes, we all do that all the time, right?
Yes, we do. But stress causes us to breathe shallower. So, if you're not stressed out, you can get used to breathing deeply regularly to relieve the debilitating effects of stress when it hits you hard.
Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system and relieves the fight or flight reaction. (I took a deep breath.)
2. Meditation is different.
Over the millennia, meditation began by focusing on breathing, but you can continue. With the practice comes peace and change in happiness. It takes time and regular practice. Then meditation gives you a place where you can find peace and quiet to deal with the harrowing life events. (I used this as a means to get to sleep through the pain.)
3rd exercise.
If you feel so miserable, the last thing you want to do is walk, run, or go to the gym. However, exercise triggers endorphins in your brain. Therefore, it is a great tool to deal with stressful events. It can be just as effective as pain and stress medication.
Think of it as a tool that can even improve your mood a little, and soon you will see movement as a major stressor. (Actually, I didn't use this tool because I could hardly walk because my balance was affected. But I start using it as I improve.)
4. Talk to friends and family.
It can help you to tell people about a problem. You feel supported when you feel that someone is listening. Feeling recognized gives you strength to deal with it. Developing your social network is an important life skill. (I cannot thank my friends, neighbors and my family enough for the support they gave me. They were wonderful!)
5. Choose your reaction.
You may have no choice but to be plunged into a stressful crisis, but you have a choice of how you want to respond. Our immediate response could be fight or flight, followed by a large dose of panic. It is much better to take a break and get the brain to focus on choosing how to respond.
Mastering the Ability to Determine Your Response: The Power of the Gratitude Journal
What I found hardest was the ability to determine your reaction.
In the last year I have dealt with the concepts and the practice of the gratitude journal. It seemed such a strange practice to me; Kind of wrong and insincere, just go through the movements. I kept a thank you journal half-heartedly.
On the other hand, there are a lot of science and celebrities who confirm their effectiveness.
Quite simply: All you do is write down three to five things for which you are grateful or grateful or which you enjoyed. You can do it every day or every few days – just do it regularly.
According to science, it opens your mind to look for the positive in everything. It not only trains your mind to look for happiness, but actually to be happy with what you already have. It keeps you from taking what you take for granted. You learn to value people, possessions and events in new ways.
Finally, it changes the structure of your brain and even changes your personality in a more positive perspective.
It takes time, but the benefits are plentiful – better sleep, better health, better social relationships, less pain, lower blood pressure, more energy.
So does it really work? I'll take you back to the hospital, where I was miserably on the car.
Not yet dead: the flood of gratitude is turning
After seeing the triage nurse and being sent for blood tests, I realized that I couldn't just wallow in self-pity. Okay, I was sick, very sick, but not yet dead.
I started looking around how the hospital system worked. I've seen the really friendly staff work so hard to make everyone feel comfortable. I watched and marveled at their ability to change beds with patients still in bed. I saw the care they put into dealing with a strange old lady. (No, it wasn't me!)
You sent me for a CAT scan. I was amazed at the machines that helped find a diagnosis, the pain relief from medication. I could see the system working for others and for me.
Suddenly I was able to rise above the misery of my own illness. It was a change in perception. All of these people and all of the institutions around me were dedicated to helping me and the other patients. And help me they did it!
Boy, I was thankful!
I felt better even though I couldn't close or blink my eye, my sight in that eye had faded, I couldn't hear in one ear, and my speech was blurry and I felt dizzy when sitting or standing.
I was so grateful for a health system that could handle my emergency.
The flood of wellbeing out of gratitude
When I was flooded with this strong feeling of gratitude, I learned that you have to delve deeply into the emotions in order to take advantage of gratitude and feel the benefits of optimism. But when I needed it, it came through.
And this flood of well-being has not left me. I am recovering slowly and happily.
Yes, it will take some time, but my smile is already returning when the paralysis subsides. I am thankful every day for my happy life in this beautiful country that I recently moved to.
It became clear to me that all of the efforts I had made to take advantage of the elusive benefits of the Gratitude Journal were working. I decided to look at my own situation, reject self-pity and see the positive. I chose my reaction to my crisis and recovered.
Stress Busting: Practice Makes Perfect
How about if you practice the skills when you need them?
Take a few deep breaths each day so it is natural for you to feel stressed.
Make an effort to support your friends and family. Maybe meditate a little.
Take your time to keep your gratitude diary. Just write down a few things you are really grateful for: the splash of color of this flower blooming in the garden, the chatty email you received from your friend, the delicious piece of cake your neighbor brought you.
When the next catastrophe scenario leaps into your imagination, imagine how you choose your reaction. You will not go into panic mode. See how you can use your skills to manage or even prevent the crisis in a positive way.
Then imagine that it actually happens: You hardly have to think about the skills you need, because your daily practice makes it easy for you to get started straight away. That's how you work these days.
Start with a few words that recognize a benefit and joy that you have enjoyed and learn a skill that can change your whole life in the end.
Write today.
About Rosemary Bointon
If she's not looking for adventure, she can find Rosemary on her longlifefunlife.com blog, where she finds out what we can do now to stay longer and healthier to live and have fun and adventure along the way. You can also find them on Twitter and Facebook.
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