"I'm not fixing any problems. I fix my thinking. Then the problems will solve themselves. " ~ Louise Hay
Looking back at my life, I realized that perfection was my worst enemy. I grew up in an environment of high expectations and felt every day at school that I was competing with others and fighting for the best in class.
At the age of ten, I thought I was stupid just because my brain was neither physic nor mathematical. I was good at literature, art and foreign languages, but that was not a sign of the brilliance in the Eastern European culture that shaped me.
Much later, as a grown woman, I didn't see myself well enough, beautiful enough, smart enough or successful enough. I felt unworthy to be loved by a wonderful man, unworthy to get a good paycheck that reflects my skills and talents, and too unworthy to apply for an enticing job.
My life looks very different today and I hug the new self with a lot of gratitude and joy. I love myself the way I am. I am happily married and do what I was born for.
How did this shift come about?
I remember feeling overwhelmed after a long work meeting and looking for inspiration to relieve the stress and feel better. When I was searching for the film The Secret on YouTube, I “accidentally” opened another video that went straight to my heart: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.
Today I know that it was no accident. The teacher appears when the student is ready – true! I was so touched and fascinated by this film that I couldn't stop watching it. Listening to Louise was pure magic; Every single word went straight to my heart. I finally felt at home in a room where it was perfectly okay to be myself: “I love and indulge myself the way I am. I am whole and complete and life loves me. "
Over the next year, I discovered the work of other enlightened souls – Wayne Dyer, Byron Katie, and Don Miguel Ruiz – and invited me to precious moments of self-reflection and deep learning. Her teaching helped me to let go of old thought patterns and cultural restrictive beliefs that didn't serve me well.
After many attempts and mistakes to apply their wisdom to my life, I have found a new feeling of freedom. How it works:
1. I let go of the need for perfection.
I am perfectly beautiful and beautifully imperfect, and that allows me to be myself.
Perfection is an illusion – it does not exist. I have stopped trying to be perfect and now I always strive for “good enough”. I have learned to accept my mistakes as urgently needed growth opportunities, blessings in disguise that make me wiser. Failing anything does not mean that I am a failure because I am not what I do. Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn. We never lose.
“Your best will change from moment to moment: it will be different if you are healthy than if you are sick. In any case, just do your best and you avoid self-assessment, self-abuse and remorse. "~ Don Miguel Ruiz
2. I release the need to be busy all the time.
Hurry is not a sign of virtue. I have learned to listen to my body and I no longer feel guilty of doing nothing. I know that sometimes I need to charge the batteries of my body and soul, and I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation.
If I don't have time for myself, I can do it. Watching a good film, listening to relaxing music, reading a good book, singing, taking a walk to connect with nature – I do what makes my heart sing.
"I am a human being, not a human being. Do not equate your self-esteem with the performance in your life. You are not what you do. If you are what you do, don't do it if you don't. "~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
3. I let go of self-criticism.
I pay attention to my inner conversation; I don't call myself names and treat myself with dignity and respect. I stopped telling myself things that I would never tell a good friend. I am enough, completely and completely.
I understood that we don't get what we want in life. We get what we deserve. Therefore, it is necessary to believe in us and to see ourselves as enough and worthy of the best things life has to offer.
"They have been criticizing for years and it didn't work. Try to approve yourself and see what happens." ~ Louise Hay
4. I let go of the guilt.
I now know that I sacrifice myself every time I blame someone else. Blaming others for my time, money or love is unfair because I always choose how much I give to whom. Nobody can hurt or upset me without my conscious (and often unconscious) approval.
Instead, I now take responsibility for how I feel, act and think. I am responsible for my actions and know that my future is the result of my current decisions. I am what I believe in and what I want.
“All guilt is a waste of time. No matter how much mistakes you find in another, it won't change you. You may succeed in making someone else feel guilty, but you will not be able to change what makes you unhappy. "~ Wayne Dyer
5. I let go of judgment.
I know that everyone is on their own journey and that it is my job to concentrate on my own. I also know that every time I judge people, I react to something that bothers me about myself. If I think you are mean, it means that I can also be mean. how else could I see that on you?
“If you blame or judge someone else, you cannot change your experience. If you take responsibility for your beliefs and judgment, you can change them. "~ Byron Katie
6. I let go of making assumptions about what other people feel, want, or think.
I am not them, so there is no way of knowing what they feel and think.
I stopped thinking up imaginary scenarios and let my thoughts play with me. Every time I get bothered by what people say or do, I know it's time for a reality check.
From "The Work" by Byron Katie I learned to examine the thoughts that bother me and to ask myself: "Is that true?" Many of my assumptions are probably not true. For example, I might assume that someone doesn't like me when they're really having a bad day. Or maybe she's just shy. Not everyone is the same.
The moment I realize that I cannot know what that person is thinking, my mind becomes clear and I can meet them with an open heart.
"I found that my uncontested assumptions were the cause of all war and peace in my world." ~ Byron Katie
7. I let go of the competition with others.
I now know that my need to fight is nothing other than my ego's cry for self-affirmation. I don't need someone to lose a game so I feel good. I love harmony, collaboration and victories.
I stopped comparing myself to others. I choose to connect with people from a place of love instead of being afraid, and I believe in abundance. I choose to believe that we live in a supportive universe where there is enough of everything and for everyone, including myself.
"Love is more cooperation than competition." ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
8. I let go of the hunt for happiness.
I no longer project my happiness into an imaginary future and hope that one day when I have this job, this house, this car, this success, will be happy. I have learned to find happiness in the little joys of life, and I accept the only reality that is in the present moment with gratitude and joy.
I stopped waiting for the weekends to feel alive because every day is a gift and every single moment is valuable and equally important.
When I shifted my focus from stressed to blessed, everything changed. I am grateful for everything I am and for everything I have: a healthy body and mind; a loving family; a few real, last yearning friendships that I've made over time; and a job that I love and believe in.
“I noticed that the universe loves gratitude. The more grateful you are, the more goodies you get. "~ Louise Hay
9. I am no longer worried about the future.
I accept that there are things in life that I cannot control, no matter how hard I try. Every time I worry, I say to myself, "Time will tell."
I may not always get what I want, but I know I always get what I need. I trust the flow of life and choose to believe that we live in an intelligent universe in which everything unfolds perfectly. Sometimes time in life also takes time.
“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not for you. Everything happens at exactly the right time, neither too early nor too late. You don't have to like it … it's just easier if you do it. "~ Byron Katie
10. I let go of pleasing others.
I am no longer looking for external validation to feel liked or accepted. Worrying what others think is a waste of time. The opinion of others about me is only about them and what they see in me, filtered through their lenses. it has nothing to do with me.
I stopped expecting others to give me what I didn't give myself: love, care and attention. Loving myself as a whole – body, mind and soul – is not selfish. I hold my cup full of self-love and take good care of my needs and the desires of my heart.
I have learned to make powerful decisions for my greatest good without worrying about disappointing people. People disappoint themselves by setting expectations about who or what to do.
Saying no to things we don't want to do is a learned practice and a sign of self-care. If it sounds like a "should", I don't do it. I go for things that feel like a lack. My desires come from myself instead of being imposed by others. I always choose how I spend my precious time and with whom. I know that my time is my life and never comes back.
My life is about me and I have the right to make my own decisions. Life should be lived, does not exist, and I choose to live it authentically, without excuses and without remorse.
“Nothing that others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. If you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you will not become a victim of unnecessary suffering. "~ Don Miguel Ruiz
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My self-transformation into the mindful person that I am today did not happen overnight. It was a continuous process that required continuous inner work.
Today I am still a student at the School of Life and every day is a great opportunity for new learning. I know that I have the power to create my own reality, as I think. So I make sure that I supply my mind with healthy thoughts and know that my mind has power.
And now I would like to hear from you. Do you stick to one of these things? What is stopping you from letting them go?
About Sara Fabian
Sara Fabian is a coach for empowerment & life purpose for women and an inspiring speaker who lives her life and lives a meaningful life of determination. If you need useful tips and suggestions, subscribe to her free newsletter at sarafabiancoaching.com and follow her on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.
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