“You were born to be one of the advisers and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders of your society. There is every reason to be proud. “ ~ Elaine N. Aron
Stop being so sensitive. Relieve yourself. You are hypersensitive. Stop thinking. You're weird.
If you are something like me, you hurled these words at you as long as stones from a sling as you can remember. The underlying message is clear: they are too much. Something is wrong with you.
Her heartbeats have always been like fine-tuned antennas that perceive even the most subtle signals of heartache and embarrassment from other people. If you experience someone in severe pain, it can lead to inner unrest for weeks. And when you feel pain, it's always intense.
I understand. I can still remember the first time my heart was broken. We had moved across the country and my best friend sent me a letter to formally inform me that after I moved away we were no longer best friends. She had a new best friend and they had special nicknames for each other.
It's the kind of playground policy that's been around since time immemorial, but I didn't know that. It probably wouldn't have helped if I did. It was my first time being rejected and it hurt like hell.
When I returned to the same school a few years later, nobody was playing with me. My friend was right: she had moved on. Had everyone else in my class. During the break I sat alone and ate my tomato sandwiches.
One of the new boys started to peck me and called me horrible names while my former friends just stood by and watched.
My teacher found that something was wrong. She called us and asked what was going on. When we told her our stories, I was overwhelmed by her reaction.
Instead of using it as an opportunity to learn and heal, she wiped the whole thing off. In this apparently insignificant act, she maintained the message that society has given us from the moment we were born: being sensitive is wrong. Being vulnerable is worse. Just harden and carry on.
At the end of this year, when we went to high school, the other children voted for me to receive the loyalty award at the award ceremony. I was not too young to understand the irony.
I was finished by the Abitur. I had learned my lesson. Like many people who had been told all their lives that they were too sensitive, I had developed impressive armor. I would go into my teenage years and know how to keep people away.
In my twenties, I had perfected the art of keeping people at a distance.
Then, in my thirties, I ventured to ask myself: What if sensitivity is a good thing? The very idea felt transgressive. But what if it were? What if sensitivity was a gift?
I decided to do an experiment. At that point, I had had billions of job interviews in two years, with no luck. Every time I got one, I dressed in the stiff, corporate way I believed the interviewers would be able to do. I put on my armor. Not this time. If sensitivity were a good thing, what would it be like to show people this side of me?
I decided to hug who I was. I dressed in a way that felt authentic to me. Something more artistic, more fluid, which clearly signaled to me: here is a sensitive, creative person. You get these characteristics when you hire this person.
It worked! It was the best interview ever. We had a real, meaningful conversation instead of what is normally going on in interviews. You hired me.
Today I am firmly convinced that there are many, many advantages to being sensitive, and I find more and more. Here are some of the more unexpected gems that I adore and that upset me to be a sensitive person. I hope you will be just as excited.
We are very attentive.
Sensitive people know exactly what is going on around us at all times. In fact, highly sensitive people should actually be called very attentive people, says psychologist Elaine Aron, who created the scientific model for what it means to be a person with the characteristics of high sensitivity.
We always scan the surroundings and the people around us to understand what's going on and to make an emotional connection, usually at a speed that makes someone else falter.
How to use your talent to be attentive: It's no wonder that employers state that they are more satisfied with sensitive employees. Knowing every single detail – to expect it and to eliminate it – is a big plus in almost every job, from surgeons and event planners to researchers. It also makes us great with people.
Highly sensitive athletes even state that this is a plus on the sports field where they don't even have to see everything – it's like they can feel where the other players are and anticipate their next moves.
Whether it's building a relationship with your neighbors, knowing what your customers need, or noticing the tiny details that make the difference in the product you create, your talent for being attentive a huge plus for your personal life and career success.
We are deeply happy people.
If you've known throughout your life that you are "too sensitive" and "too emotional", it can feel like you are a kind of jerky Eeyore type. I remember being told that my personality type was “melancholic”, which was an old-fashioned word for depressed as a child. Way to make someone feel good about themselves!
As I have probably always suspected, this is not the whole truth.
Like me, you are probably the person who laughs the loudest in the cinema. The one whose friends are able to find them by following their laughter in a theater. Those who, after being away for a while, eavesdrop on their friends and say, "Aaah – the laugh. I missed that laugh. "
The truth is that sensitive people feel everything deeply – this includes happiness, joy and exhilaration. We are the children who thoroughly examine the area before using the fruit bat or water slide, and also the ones who are most happy after finally taking the plunge.
How to Use Your Gift of joy: Mindfulness is a buzzword these days, and for good reason – in these busy times, it's a great way to relieve stress and your commitment to the physical Increase world.
If you are already someone who notices the tiny detail of a leaf or the vibrant turquoise of the kingfisher flying over the lagoon, it is much easier to tap mindfulness – and joy.
Although I don't like the term rethinking because it feels very negative – it's a plus to see all sorts of results in many ways – we can sometimes get stuck in a ruminant loop and feel overwhelmed and paralyzed, when faced with making a decision.
Then our ability to appreciate beauty, art and joy becomes a wonderful gift. Take the time to notice the beauty around you, to be simple and to feel your mood. Enjoying this walk in nature often brings clarity and makes the solution appear out of nowhere.
We make excellent leaders.
If you've felt beaten for a long time, you may just not be suitable for a leadership role. The truth is that you are uniquely equipped for this role.
Employers not only report greater satisfaction with their sensitive employees, but studies show that we are incredible managers.
It really makes sense – people want to follow someone they can trust.
"Highly sensitive people do not miss a thing as they fall back to convince team members at the right time and say the right thing," says John Hughes, who trains corporate customers how to best support their highly qualified employees with sensitive employees.
That sounds like someone I want to follow!
How to use your gift of leadership: We don't often combine meekness with leadership, so it can be difficult to see yourself as a born manager at the moment.
In reality, anyone who inspires people for a better life through their actions is a leader. At the moment, you may be an inspiring leader for your friends or children.
So ask yourself: Is this my season to take a leadership role? You may want to lead your volunteer group or apply for this leadership position at work. Perhaps you are in a phase in which your career is coming to an end and you would like to pass on valuable knowledge by looking after young people.
Don't be afraid – get into this leadership position. Nobody can do that better than you.
We are innovators.
If you look into the brain of a sensitive person, you will notice that areas for understanding subtle clues are more active. This also applies to the depth of processing.
When we notice things and think deeply about them, we can combine ideas in new ways. We are born innovators.
How to use your gift of creativity: The world is crying out for creative thinkers. From established companies to small start-ups, everyone is actively looking for innovative minds.
The information age is most likely the best time for a sensitive person to be alive. It doesn't matter whether you use your creativity to create a supportive job, start your own business or start a happy family, you have it all.
If you believe in yourself and work hard, always follow your principles and take care of yourself, heaven is the limit!
You can change the world.
As a sensitive person, you have unique talents and insights that you can offer the world.
You have come a long way, learn more about yourself and are slowly accepting that it is nothing to be ashamed of being a sensitive person.
In fact, you understand it as a gift – and you are enthusiastic about the possibilities.
You are an enthusiastic observer, a fantastic leader, a naturally born innovator, a deeply joyful person and someone who benefits enormously from having and creating a supportive environment for yourself and others.
With such gifts nobody is better equipped to change the world. All you have to do is get out.
The world needs you now.
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