Dr. Irvin Yalom, an American existential psychiatrist and professor emeritus of psychiatry at Stanford University, is known for his ability to study the human psyche and for his interpersonal therapy groups. During the keynote address to kick off the second week of the American Counseling Association's Virtual Conference Experience 2021, he gave a glimpse into his own life and shared how therapeutic relationships have helped him personally and professionally, including coping with his grief over the death of his wife.
During the keynote speech, Jude Austin, Assistant Professor and Clinical Psychological Counseling Coordinator at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor and private practitioner in Temple, Texas, spoke to Yalom about his early life, the beginning of his professional journey, his status as Mental Health Profession Icon and his latest book, A Question of Death and Life.
Discovery of existential therapy
After receiving his doctorate in medicine from Boston University School of Medicine, Yalom completed an internship at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York and a residency in the Henry Phipps Psychiatric Clinic at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. Yalom said he discovered the field of human relationships while at Johns Hopkins and was "more interested in working with people than medicine," which sets him apart from other psychiatry students.
He attributes the introduction to the connection between philosophy and psychiatry to Existence, a book co-edited by Rollo May, an American existential psychologist. It also prompted him to enroll in a year-long philosophy course with Johns Hopkins while he was a student.
At the time, psychiatry professor Jerome Franks was an influential mentor for Yalom, who recalled spending hours during his training observing Frank's therapy groups through a two-way mirror. That experience taught him that therapy was relational, he told the keynote audience. Frank's therapy groups focused on how the group members interacted with one another. "It [wasn’t] about their parents and their early life etc … It [was] deals with interpersonal relationships," Yalom explained.
Yalom said that a mistake he made with a client years later reminded him again of the importance of the client-therapist relationship. He found that he was unable to connect to that particular customer during the session. He felt disappointed and considered it one of the least successful meetings he had ever had that he mentioned in his meeting notes. Then he committed a therapist's worst nightmare: he accidentally emailed his session notes to the client, not to himself.
The client wrote back, admitting that she was hurt by his comments. However, in her next session, things changed because she opened up. Yalom learned that she was training to be a social worker and was reading his group therapy textbook in her class. “I interpreted their here and now behavior as an indication of their inability to relate to people, but in fact it was something completely different. All of these people praised my textbook and they just felt very intimidated by me, ”he said.
"Working on the here and now works on the space … between me and the patient," Yalom noted. He explained that at some point in consultations in a session he will say, "Let's see how you and I are doing in that session. How is that for you?" He finds that the relationship between the therapist and the client is often is a microcosm of your relationships with other people.
Finding one's way through grief
Yalom told the keynote audience that he and his wife Marilyn Yalom, a world-renowned gender scholar and professor of French and comparative literature, had been inextricably linked since they met at the age of 15. When they discovered she was dying of cancer, she asked him to write about her experience with her. He agreed and they wrote a Question of Death and Life which provides an honest description of how she prepared for death and how he struggled (and continues to struggle) to live without her.
After Marilyn's death in November 2019, Yalom read his own books again, which he recognized as very good therapy for him. He recently reread his 1999 book Momma and the Purpose of Life: Stories of Psychotherapy, particularly the chapter entitled "Seven Advanced Lessons in the Therapy of Grief," with renewed interest.
He remembered a former patient who repeatedly complained that he had a "perfect life" and that he could not relate to how she felt. Yalom said he would argue with her and ask, "Do we have to be the same for me to treat you?"
After losing his wife, said Yalom, he thought about these experiences with the patient. "Well, I think she's right," he admitted to the audience. “I know how she feels. I could do a better job with her now. "
Advice for new skilled workers
Austin noted that being in the here and now with clients takes courage and asked Yalom if he had any suggestions for consultants who are struggling to be present with clients. Yalom's advice: Go to group therapy.
“Group therapy is an extremely good way for you to really see how you can present yourself to other people. And if you dodge [and] don't let people in, the group will let you know, ”he said.
He also encouraged the counselors to enter therapy as it allows them to experience different therapeutic approaches first hand. It's a great way to learn how approaches work and how they each offer something different, he claimed.
Yalom also shared a technique that he used with his own groups. He dictates summaries of what goes on in group sessions and emails these notes to group members so they can discuss this perspective in the following session. Yalom noted that group members often argue with him about how he misunderstood it, but such conversation leads to deeper discussions and insights into how we treat people.
Yalom told the audience that he had been in and out of therapy multiple times and is currently in therapy as he processed his grief over the loss of his wife. His honesty about his experiences – both in his professional and personal life – is a comforting reminder of the therapists' humanity. It sends an inspiring message to other mental health professionals that they are still growing and learning, and should be.
Dr. Irvin Yalom will deliver the opening address in March 2017 at ACA's annual conference and expo in San Francisco. (Photo by Paul Sakuma Photography)
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This keynote is part of a month of virtual events, including hundreds of training sessions and three additional keynotes ending April 30th.
For more information on the American Counseling Association's experience of the 2021 virtual conference, visit Counseling.org/conference/conference-2021
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Lindsey Phillips is Counseling Today author and UX content strategist. Contact them at [email protected] or through their website at lindseynphillips.com.
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Opinions and statements in articles appearing on CT Online should not be assumed to reflect the opinions of the editors or guidelines of the American Counseling Association.
