"The biggest lie we are told is" Be with someone who makes you happy. "The truth is, happiness is something you create yourself. Be with someone who contributes to it." ~ Unknown
That's what we all strive for, right?
I mean luck.
I used to think that happiness is about my outside world. When things went well for me (in my career, my social life, my relationships, etc.) I was happy. When things weren't going well, which often wasn't in one area or another, I felt frustrated, angry, or defeated.
I later realized that long-term happiness is not about external events. It starts from within and, above all, is a skill that needs to be learned and developed.
To live your best life, you have to realize that no luck is happening to you – it is happening to you. It doesn't mean that doing the right things makes you feel happy all the time. Nobody feels happy all the time. It just means that your choices will affect how you feel, and if you make healthy choices, you will likely feel good more times than not.
To help you live a happier life, I have compiled fourteen habits that you can adopt now. Read them, think about them, and let them move in with you. Use this list to build habits that will help you cultivate happiness regardless of your current situation.
1. Look for the silver lining.
It is said that every cloud has a silver lining. Sometimes they are hard to find, but in my experience they are always there.
When one of my friends died a few years ago, it was difficult for me to find the silver lining. Life just seemed unfair and brutal.
After a few months, I decided to channel all of this frustration, anger and sadness into life change. So I quit my job and went traveling for a year. What happened to her made me realize that life can be short and I wanted to get the most out of mine. That was the silver lining for me.
2. Water your own grass.
It is so easy to compare ourselves these days. Only by turning on the television, opening up social media, or having a conversation can we fall into the trap of comparison. This is not how we build a happy life. We do this by watering our own grass and not looking at our neighbors.
So acknowledge what other people have and use this as inspiration to get where you want to go. Keep an eye on your trail and build, create and maintain what you want more of.
3. Move the phone away from the bedroom.
For many people, the last thing they see before falling asleep is their phone. It's also probably the first thing you see when you wake up. (Confession: I am guilty when it comes to it.)
By checking your phone first thing in the morning, other people, apps, and email notifications can determine how you feel. You start the day reactive instead of deciding what to focus on for yourself.
Get an alarm that is not your phone (or at least set it to airplane mood). Then create a short sleep and morning routine that makes you feel good. I like to spend a few minutes visualizing, meditating, or estimating to get my attention.
4. Set up feel good reminders on your phone.
Oh, you have to do this now! Go to your phone calendar and set up a daily reminder or two for yourself. Every morning at 9am I get an "I'm enough" notification to remind myself that I am enough no matter how I fight or what other people think or say!
At 1 p.m. another confirmation appears: "I deserve the best and always get it." It always makes my heart smile because it strengthens my worth and forces me to ponder how my present circumstances might actually be in my best interests.
Treat your future self well by setting up at least one feel-good daily reminder. It will help you change course during the day if necessary.
5. Go for a walk in nature.
I recently recognized the power of connection with nature. This is a place where you can reconnect and ground.
Funny fact: Nature is said to have a natural frequency pulsation averaging 7.83 Hertz (the so-called Schumann resonance).
This frequency (7.83 Hertz) is supposedly also the average alpha frequency of the brain. In the alpha state, we feel relaxed and calm. Pretty epic, isn't it? So make it a daily habit to walk in nature and tune into a happier, more relaxed version of yourself.
6. Take 100 percent responsibility.
This is always a game changer for me. I often avoid responsibility first (much easier to point to blame, criticism, or excuses, right?). But you can't change a situation if you don't take 100 percent responsibility for it first.
Look at an area in your life that you are not completely satisfied with (finance, health, career, love, social life, etc.). Then you decide to take full responsibility for the change. It may be that someone else is responsible for a situation, but the only way you can change things is to take responsibility for what is under your control.
7. Stop complaining.
Oh, it's so easy to complain. To see what is not working or what other people are doing wrong and to criticize and condemn. But that doesn't solve any problems.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, your only option is to change your mind about it. The next time you want to complain, ask yourself what you can be thankful for in this situation. For example, if a bus driver is rude to you on the way to work, you can focus on that and say thank you for getting the bus to work.
8. Communicate trust through your body.
Our body reflects how we feel. When you are nervous and anxious, you can be sure that your body is reflecting it. You might flicker your gaze, speak softly, or adopt an attitude that signals insecurity.
The positive thing is that this mirroring also takes place in reverse. So start communicating with your body using your body. Stand up straight, look other people in the eyes, and talk. Using your body, tell your mind that you are safe, valued, and comfortable where you are.
9. Spend time doing what matters.
If we want a happy life, we have to fill it with happy moments. This means spending time on important things and with important people.
What do you like to do? What brings you joy and happiness? Which people do you feel great with? Make sure you have time each day to do what you enjoy.
10. Spend less time on social media.
Oh social media! Just by opening our phone can we enter the lives of thousands of people.
Social media can be great in many ways. It can help us to be inspired, to connect with people all over the world and to share special moments. But it can also lead to feelings of lack, inadequacy and exclusion.
Be aware of your mood before embarking on social media. Ask yourself: Am I in a place where I can use it to my advantage? Or am I in a place where it can trigger me negatively? In short, make sure you are in control of your social media experience, and not the other way around.
11. Give yourself space during the day.
It is so easy to get into the hustle and bustle of life. Focus on efficiency, productivity, and getting things done. Failure to make space for yourself during the day not only creates a feeling of stress and urgency, but also your creativity, intuition and reflective skills.
So, if possible, be smart about how you set up your day. Take more time than necessary to complete a task. Make it an hour and a half instead of an hour. For me, not rushing through tasks has resulted in greater clarity, satisfaction, and (to my surprise!) Productivity.
12. Become a master in changing perspectives.
This is my contact point every day! Whenever I feel bad about a situation, I know that another, more beneficial perspective is available. For example, if I'm having a hard time falling asleep, I can either focus on losing my sleep (oh, the horror!) Or on being able to handle a night of less sleep and that it's no big deal. (And yes, then I usually fall asleep.)
In short, look at each challenging situation and try to find a perspective that feels better. For example, have you got into a conflict with someone? Then this could help you understand each other better next time. Do whatever you can to find out the insights, benefits, and positives of a difficult situation.
13. Give the gift of having someone help you.
When was the last time you asked someone for help? We tend to believe that we need to be strong and independent all the time. But the truth is, we're not geared towards independence – we're geared towards collaboration.
In general, people like to help other people. So why not give someone the gift that they can help you? Seek input, advice, or help moving forward. Not only will this add value to both of you, but you will also get closer by helping each other.
14. Turn contrast into clarity.
In life we experience contrasts and difficult situations every day. Here's the good news: negative experiences are clues as to what you want. A strict and rigorous work schedule might tell you that you want more flexibility. An exercise that feels boring or overwhelming might tell you it's time to explore a new and fun workout routine.
Contrasts show us what we don't like. Your job is to acknowledge the aversion and then turn your head the other way. Ask yourself: what do I want instead? How can I achieve this?
Small daily steps towards a happier life
It is easy to be overwhelmed when it comes to making changes. So prepare for success by taking action on any of the above. Pick one that makes you excited and when you've mastered it, move on to the next point.
Do not leave your luck to chance and external circumstances. Instead, take responsibility and cultivate happiness from within.
Take small steps to develop happiness habits and you will help make this world a better place.
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